Yes, I aim to get a lot of money after I studied so hard since I were seven years old in a very damaging education system. That means I spend almost 2 decade of my life only for studying.
Yeah, right. Not bad, huh.
I don't complain. The past has been past, so, just let it go.
But, for my next generation, I hope they might want to learn survival life lesson other than only reading and finishing their homework in the book.
Who knows when the earth quake or war might happen in the future?
Who knows but I hope there will be minimal, very very minimal chances or none of these to be happen.
For my future daughters, I will start training you to love kitchen at the very early age.
So, we can share a hobby together.
The more the merrier. Hehe. AS IF.
(Lately, I could not stop berangan on many things. So, just forget it, ok.)
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Berangan, that the key word for this entry.
So, the very young UIA counselor lady encouraged me to keep having big dreams for the sake of
self motivation. Yeah, absolutely true in a way.
From there, I am no longer stopping myself to start planning and planning non stop for the future.
There are 1001 possibilities to be successful, but in the end, I fail to choose which one I should
focus and aim first before I start looking another challenges to be achieved.
My parents start joking around whenever I started talking some kind of ambitions I would like to work on in the future, since I keep talking but nothing has been working out in order to fulfill that aims.
Senang cite, macam cerita angan-angan Mat Jenin, macam tin kosong.
Cakap banyak, tapi habuk satu pun tarak ada.
I don't blame them to underestimate my capabilities since I have never tried to prove to them that I am very serious on what I aim for!!!
For now, the situation is more or less likes that, not much changes to be honest.
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To think again, I were once got a smirk smile from this one very brilliant pHD sister when I were studying in Australia as I told her I want to further my pHD in another country (which I cannot mention it here). For some reasons, after couple of years when I remember back my discussion with her, she was actually quite arrogant with her almost perfect education and life achievements. Got married, had a son and further her post doc study in almost effortless way. Perhaps.
Anyway, maybe I am the one who was being the jerk in the first place, boasting around on something about myself to the juniors I met there.
So, here I am, jobless, confuse on what I want in my life and not yet a loser, but most probably yes if I continue losing track with my ongoing life's journey. Very short one and not knowing when it will approaching the due date.
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I cannot really focusing on writing this entry anymore. Everyone keep updating their story in this living room.
Let's continue again.
So, a few of my UIA friends asked me when I will do my pHD? I guess all my fellows postgraduates friends' ultimate aim is to get a pHD by hook or by crook disregard on whatever research they interested in. As long as, doing a pHD in Kuantan.
Again, I shouldn't be biased on them and judging them solely on my very own view without even asking what are their plans for the future, which I am very sure to be a lecturer in a university.
I am tired of this kind of future predictions without any certainty about it.
Frustrated and agitated, I start feeling annoyed with friends who continue pHD straight after Master without any worries about paying their study loan.
Why nobody even care to find a job and make a living?!!!
Don't they want some time out from reading scientific journals, spending day in and day out in the laboratory and taking a very good care on their animals specimens as if they are their beloved children?
Could you feel my frustration towards them?
Whatever, who I am to decide what they want to do with their life. Go to hell lah about my opinions.
I wish all my UIA friend who's doing pHD to be the best among the best in their pHD study.
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My last point for tonight is about make a living.
Since I went back from studying abroad, my living cost has been fully supported by my parent.
My daily need such as food, living place, transportation and clothes does not cost much money.
Most probably since I am not very fond with shopping and eating out.
I just live on whatever terms I were on and not complaining at all except for freedom to have a better social life, which I doubt also has so much interest in me.
I have to meet my business-minded main supervisor several times in order to get his signature on my forms, which is quite awkward and unfriendly if he never asked anything about me and just straight away signed in the paper and waived goodbye. Very unlikely to happen like that unless he is very busy on that morning/afternoon.
The most popular questions he keep asking me lately are like these;-
"How's your job hunting has been lately, Fazilah? It is very tough to get a job nowadays."
"So, what else you do at home? Have you done any online business right now? What? No.
You got internet connection at home, right?",
" You should do business, Fazilah. Look at me, Honestly, I don't need this lecturer job that only pay me RM10,000 per month as compared to my business that worth even more. Almost all my down line can get RM 30,000 per month regardless their very low education qualification (SPM only)".
Yes, yes, yes...time is money and money is time.
Saying is a lot easier than doing it. Anyway, thank you for encouraging me to start a business, which
I found it is very very very risky and terrifying to begin with.
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Enough then. You make your own conclusion.
I cannot open my eyes already.
