It is not complicated as people might think. I am not running away from them, but I prefer library due to I can focus on reading. I can find books easily without need to borrow and carry them back to the room. Those big and thick and heavy books are really draining my energy out.
I wish I could explain this to them.
Due to this, I always think to vanish myself lately.
It is sort of a vacuum place in me that cannot be described due to my 'running away' action.
I wish I could make this feeling go away.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Other than that, things go very smoothly.
My parent, especially my father is very happy and proud with his just renovated, larger house.
I have my own bedroom now, where I can sleep and wake up whenever I want (without disturbing my older, special sister).
Unfortunately, it is next to the kitchen.
Too noisy in the morning when my mother starts cooking.
More friends are getting married this year.
I am not even trying to meet someone, as I continue pretending it is not a big matter.
Whenever a guy friend is asking about ' when/do you want to get married soon?' (which is a very rare occasions to me), I instantly answering him 'NO, NOT AT THE MOMENT'.
Haha.
It works anyway in order to change the topic.
But, but.. I really enjoy listening to Malay classic romantic songs every evening in the car.
It's such a very nice and self-soothing way to forget about the marriage issue.
No rush.
Finally, I keep thinking to myself about doing a hobby which can turn out to be a big business.
I am determined to make it as a reality, not a daydream only.
Sadly, there are always hurdles in motivating myself on making it real.
Very sad, indeed.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
I am not sure how to contact Lina, who told me last time is coming back to Malaysia this January.
Gosh, it is already in the end of January.
Sometimes, I just cannot understand why I react this way to my friends.
As if, I never care about them.
So, just vanish me from my friend's memory maybe is the best way.
