The Future ?

Starting last month, I find myself under great pressure.
I barely can breath normally sometimes, or sleep at night.
But, that does not mean I forget to be slacking around in most of the times.

However, I do get panic attacks a lot of times. Even at this moment. Today. Last night.

How other people coop with this kind of pressure?
Some of my friends have submitted their thesis.
And they should finishing it sooner actually.

I am really happy with them.
I want to be relieve like them too.

7 hari di KL

Not exactly KL. Places near to KL, ie Gombak and Ampang.
Not sure how my mother handle things at home without me.
My humanity kicks in whenever Kak Ngah turns into Mrs Jekyll in one morning.

I have not leaving home for quiet sometime. Maybe too long which make my parents feel
enormously concern with me travelling to other places without them.
I cannot really complaining about this matter if I continue living with them.
So, I must find job very soon.

Talking about job, I must finish my study first.
But, it is another long story to start with.
I find it very hard to answer someone with this question
"What makes your study take too much time that 2 years are not enough?"
Or other questions with similar meaning like that.

And, I am being 100% honest in answering that simple silly question.
Its all my supervisor's fault, who used me to do his professorship business.
But then, I doubt that it should be the real answer as it is not 100% true.
My own act also cause me failure to finish my study sooner.

I met this one person who smile broadly when I feel impressed with her near-to-finish
writing her thesis draft. Twice submission to her supervisor.
How I envy her smile. Seriously.

So, I must work harder. No matter what are the reasons I give to myself.
p/s: Akak setahun tua dariku yang baru kukenal hari ni sedang berbual di telefon pada jam lewat malam2 begini. Ah, pasti dengan buah hatinya. 'Untung lah' yang bisa ku bicara pada diri sendiri.
   

Selepas Hujan

Mungkin awanan dilangit tidak terlalu terbeban dengan air lagi pada waktu ini.
Namun, siapa tahu kalau2 air yang dikandung boleh melimpah lagi pada minggu hadapan.
Semua pun sibuk dengan cerita2 gelombang kedua.

Tapi, buat masa ini ada yang cuba meneruskan kehidupan seperti biasa.
Walaupun, tidaklah 100% sama seperti kehidupan sebelum banjir.
Terutama sekali saya yang seperti kehilangan arah selepas semua yang berlaku.

Saya tidak tahu apa lagi yang boleh dilakukan untuk tempoh pengajian yang semakin hari semakin suntuk.
Saya lupa segala matlamat dan perancangan yang ingin dilaksanakan dan ditamatkan dalam tempoh tertentu.
Akibat banjir, sayalah yang paling sengsara.

Saya kehilangan meja belajar.
Saya kehilangan kereta.
Saya kehilangan komputer riba.

Dan, masalah saya berputar-putar pada perkara yang sama sahaja.
Tiba-tiba, ayah pula perlu tinggal di hospital.
Adik pula perlu ke rumah mertua dan isteri di luar daerah.

Aduh!..Saya sememangnya ingin berputus asa sahaja. Sebenarnya.
Biarlah saya tinggal sendiri bersama-sama barang2 yang tenggelam oleh lumpur.
Busuk dan kotor.

Sehari-hari mencuci didapur, diruang tamu dan semuanya.
Mengurskan gambar2 yang hancur kerana air.
Memasak dan makan apa sahaja asalkan perut kenyang dan bertenaga semula.

Haih.