Bukan nak kata

Kata mengata memang tabiat keji
Tapi kejinya tidaklah lekat di hati
Manisnya keji hingga lidah menjilat jari
Buta betapa ada maruah terkecai
Pekak betapa ada raungan sedu mengilai
Bisu betapa ada kewarasan diri terbarai

Ah, bukan nak kata pemudah bicara
Semuanya berasa dia benar sentiasa
Benar teramat benar dalam semuanya
Bernas tersungguh benar dalam semuanya
Bagus tersangat bagus dalam segalanya
Orang lain adalah perosak keamanan dunia

Oh, ada masalah sama itu manusia
Dia manusia dan aku manusia
Siapa yang lebih benar berlawan mata dan kata
Siapa yang lebih benar sebenarnya?
Siapa yang boleh menjadi hakim dunia diantara keduanya?
Bukan manusia sudah tentunya!

Diam pun kata

Sebiji buku tebal putih diam di para
Tajuk hitam besar di kulit keras muka
Di situ katanya, "Ingin Jadi Pujangga"
Penulisnya dengan nama A.Samad bukan Said akhirnya
Mungkin Ismail- berkelana dengan kisah sebelum merdeka
Sudah beberapa purnama
Buku tebal dengan mimpi jadi pujangga tidak dapat dijumpa
Hilang begitu sahaja
Mungkin ada insan lain turut jatuh cinta samanya
Dibawa pergi dan aku setia menanti kelibat putih warnanya
di atas para tempat diamnya sentiasa
Kerna penantian ini tak akan sia-sia
Kerna tanpa mimpi dan kelana pujangga
pun tidak mengapa
Kerna diam pun kata

Vanish me

I feel so alone this whole week. I am afraid I might hurt somebody or many of them due to my abrupt missing in the postgraduate room.

It is not complicated as people might think. I am not running away from them, but I prefer library due to I can focus on reading. I can find books easily without need to borrow and carry them back to the room. Those big and thick and heavy books are really draining my energy out.

I wish I could explain this to them.

Due to this, I always think to vanish myself lately.
It is sort of a vacuum place in me that cannot be described due to my 'running away' action.

I wish I could make this feeling go away.

                                                       (source: Tumblr)

* * * * * * * * * * *
Other than that, things go very smoothly.
My parent, especially my father is very happy and proud with his just renovated, larger house.
I have my own bedroom now, where I can sleep and wake up whenever I want (without disturbing my older, special sister).
Unfortunately, it is next to the kitchen.
Too noisy in the morning when my mother starts cooking.

More friends are getting married this year.
I am not even trying to meet someone, as I continue pretending it is not a big matter.
Whenever a guy friend is asking about ' when/do you want to get married soon?' (which is a very rare occasions to me), I instantly answering him 'NO, NOT AT THE MOMENT'.
Haha.
It works anyway in order to change the topic.

But, but.. I really enjoy listening to Malay classic romantic songs every evening in the car.
It's such a very nice and self-soothing way to forget about the marriage issue.
No rush.

Finally, I keep thinking to myself about doing a hobby which can turn out to be a big business.
I am determined to make it as a reality, not a daydream only.
Sadly, there are always hurdles in motivating myself on making it real.
Very sad, indeed.

* * * * * * * * * * * *
I am not sure how to contact Lina, who told me last time is coming back to Malaysia this January.
Gosh, it is already in the end of January.
Sometimes, I just cannot understand why I react this way to my friends.
As if, I never care about them.

So, just vanish me from my friend's memory maybe is the best way.

25 musim.

25 musim.
Musim suam suam kuku walaupun diluar mungkin sejuk atau panas berlalu.
Dalam 1 musim,
Berapa peradaban boleh berlaku?
Oh, ini musim ke 25.
Berapa banyakkah yang rugi dan yang laku?
Yang berdiri dan yang terkujur kaku?
Yang tamat dan yang terkandas?
Yang tumbuh dan yang patah?
Yang terbang dan yang tertanam?
Yang lurus dan yang bengkok?

Oh ini musim ke 25.
Berapa banyakkah abad yang bakal berlaku?

December 2012

Here, again.
I am in the month of December.
For some reasons, December means a beginning for me.
Too many things happened in December that I can remember.
December is a holiday month.
Rather than other months, rare things took place only during December.

* * * * *
I am no longer fluent in writing & speaking in English.
Never mind.

MARA sent me a notification mail regarding money matters.
No worries. I will find a way out about that. Soon.

More and more people send wedding invitations on FB.
Annoying. Luckily, I dont bother to check FB like I used to.

My brother just got married 2 days before.
Unbelievable but I feel happy for him. Very grateful to Allah.

* * * * *
So, that's it things that happened during December of this year.
I need to do some tedious editing job in choosing the best pictures of my brother wedding.

                                        The best part of the wedding is during akad nikah ceremony.
                             Everyone almost come to tears when the father in law gave some words
                                           to the bridegroom after akad nikah finished successfully. 

Kesaktian I

Ada manik manik halus dari langit jatuh. Berkilauan, sehinggakan mata menjadi silau seperti ada kilat sedang memancar. Seperti pancaran kilat juga, kilauannya hanya seketika sahaja.
Semua yang melihat kejadian di dinihari itu rasa seperti tidak percaya.
Adakah benar atau tidak apa yang mereka lihat tadi?
Cahaya dikala dinihari yang berbalam balam menambahkan lagi rasa sangsi mereka.
Mari kita lihat siapa yang pertama pergi memastikan kejadian itu.

Setelah hampir seminggu, kejadian yang sama berulang ulang kali berlaku.
Semua orang sudah mula berbisik bisik bertanyakan satu sama lain.
Namun, masih tiada lagi yang berani mencari punca dari mana.
Ini mungkin petanda kesaktian mahu mula bertapak di tempat semua orang itu berada.
Hal ini kerana, pernah satu ketika dahulu ada kejadian aneh berlaku dibawah tanah.
Tanah dilaman mereka mengeluarkan bau yang kurang menyenangkan pada waktu senja.
Apabila malam, kedengaran seperti tanah mula bergerak, seperti pasir dipijak pijak orang.

Waktu itu, mereka semua menyalahkan kilang di kawasan berhampiran.
Kilang membuat kertas itulah yang menyebabkan tanah dicemari dan luar biasa jadinya.
Mesyuarat segera diadakan hampir berminggu minggu lamanya mencari penyelesaian.
Sehingga orang orang jadi muak dengan mesyuarat, kerana asyik berbincang tapi kertas kerja bantahan
masih juga belum disiapkan untuk dihantar ke pihak atasan.
Akhirnya, 3 bulan selepas perbincangan yang panjang kertas kerja berjaya dihantar.
Namun, tindakan yang diharapkan tiba seperti mengharapkan bulan jatuh ke riba.
Kejadian tanah yang luar biasa itu pula sudah mula dibumbui dengan kisah kisah mistik,
dek kerana terlalu lama masa yang diperlukan untuk bantahan kepada pihak atasan.

Pihak majalah untuk kisah kisah mistik mula datang meninjau ninjau keadaan.
Sedangkan pihak berkuasa entah dimana batang hidung mereka.
Entah bagaimana ianya bermula, semua orang mula mengaitkan kejadian aneh ini
dengan kewujudan Tuk Bongkok yang pernah dikatakan muncul menemui orang orang
alim di situ pada zaman dahulu. Kaum kerabat Tuk Bongkok segera dicari untuk ditemu ramah.
Namun, mereka masing masing tidak memberikan sebarang maklumat yang diingini oleh wartawan2
pihak majalah mistik itu. Hanya seorang anak muda yang tampil.

About everything that bother me

I might fall sick if I continue to feel like this.
Every time I wake up from sleep, it feels like I was crying in my sleep. Unconsciously.
I try not to carry away with this worry.
Sometimes, I read on something that might divert away my attention on this thing.
I am very worry.
I am afraid I might get depression that need some medication from doctor to get heal.
In other mean, mental illness.
Please God, no.

I will try harder to be as positive as I can.
The no 1 problem is money.
The no 2 problem is everything.
Since no 1 is too much to handle, that makes everything looks impossible to solve.

Please God, make things- 'everything' lighter and lighter.
If the wind blown from the east, it will carry away those 'everything' to many places.
Many places far far away from here.
That 'everything' will eventually landed and grow on suitable soil.
That 'everything' will grow as beautiful plant have you ever seen in your life.

So, no more tears in my sleep.