About everything that bother me

I might fall sick if I continue to feel like this.
Every time I wake up from sleep, it feels like I was crying in my sleep. Unconsciously.
I try not to carry away with this worry.
Sometimes, I read on something that might divert away my attention on this thing.
I am very worry.
I am afraid I might get depression that need some medication from doctor to get heal.
In other mean, mental illness.
Please God, no.

I will try harder to be as positive as I can.
The no 1 problem is money.
The no 2 problem is everything.
Since no 1 is too much to handle, that makes everything looks impossible to solve.

Please God, make things- 'everything' lighter and lighter.
If the wind blown from the east, it will carry away those 'everything' to many places.
Many places far far away from here.
That 'everything' will eventually landed and grow on suitable soil.
That 'everything' will grow as beautiful plant have you ever seen in your life.

So, no more tears in my sleep.

Delay. Delay.

Well. Well. Well.
My prediction about whether is miserably wrong.
The sun shines and the temperature shooting. up.
Luckily, I am in the room with 25 Celcius.

Yesterday, I listened attentively to previous master result presentation.
Somehow, the presentation made me cringing for help inside.
Hopeless about my very sluggish journey lab works.

I started my day today fully motivated and focus.
I want to get on with my lab works.
NO MORE DELAYS.

Bad news.
The machine and the kitchen will be available on the 2nd week of November.
What the fish?!

It is already NOVEMBER, for God's sake.
Dang!.
I try to console myself by writing my Obesity book and aim to start reading for literature review.

By that, I will be fine with 2 weeks delay of lab works.

Anyway, Happy eidul adha to everyone.
I have been watching and listening about Haji Mabrur on the tv since last month till today.

Rainy days. Serious headache.

I am longing to write poems.
To feel when the poems come to you.
Then, writing the words on the paper.
It just...very beautiful experience.

Especially on these rainy days.
Last time, when I was in Australia, rainy days reminded me home.
I developed writing poem habit every time I felt homesick.
But, here, I unable to write any poems any more.

I would like to write something else here.
But, I don't feel like to write it now.

Gila mencabar

Saya sedang mengerah diri menulis buku di carrel room di perpustakaan.

Buku apa yang saya nak tulis.
Buku untuk menguruskan badan.
Sungguh mencabar.

And, sitting in carrel room does not help at all.
This carrel room is very similar to a small prison.

Rasa pengap jer kepala ni.

Heartbroken songs

Believe me. Single ladies love listening & watching to heartbroken theme songs, movies, dramas and so on.
Since, we have untold stories why we stay single.

Not that we have not get over those culprits who demolishing our hearts.
But, damage have been done.
There are scars everywhere which could not be seen by naked eyes.

So, this is one of my most favourite heartbroken songs.
I love Sara Bareilles. :D

Between the lines

Super lady (not gaga)

Super lady who super busy.
Not yet a super mum.
I wonder how it feels to be a super mummy.

Lethargic.
Enough of being a super lady alone.
But, today I accidentally have a respite day.

I feel I want to stay dormant like this forever.

But, hey!
Relax without getting busy its not worth it.

And so, I MUST KEEP WORKING till die.
In the name of Allah, so everything should be meaningful.

p/s: that why I got time to write up this stuff.

cheers for me. :p
the picture was downloaded from tumblr. all right reserved on its owner.

Research

It has been a very slow journey of research.
I am too afraid of making the first step.
Too anxious.
Thinking too much.

I need help.
But, the reality of research; You must help yourself first.
Especially, here, in IIUM, in Malaysia.

This is a lot harder than I imagine.
But, my supervisor keep saying everything is a chink.

Do not have any other option other than MOVING FORWARD.

p/s:  I am thinking about my study every second of my life lately. I am soo worried. Oh, God.

Two fb accounts

I am losing my momentum & focus on work right now.

Anyway, I have two Facebook accounts.

I rarely sign in the real one except on the phone or when I am extremely bored with the other FB account.
The other FB account mostly contains local or national news.
Gossips, NO!.

So, once in couple of months or weeks I read attentively on selected people's updates via my original account. Every time I do it, the updates never failed to suprise me.

So, yeah. Now, I am in shock...

Garang

I dont know the right word for 'garang' in English.

For some reasons, I thinks I will be a 'garang' mother or auntie in the future.
It just unconscious act when dealing with small children.

Suddenly I am turning into this straight face & hard voice instructing them to behave.
Not like I hate children. I am trying to educate them actually.

Mencungkil sikap

Situasi disini memerlukan saya untuk banyak berinteraksi dengan orang.
Terus terang, selama saya duduk di negara orang, saya lebih suka menyendiri.
Banyak sangat masalah jiwa untuk ditangani dengan banyaknya ragam orang.
Tapi, sekarang, sangat mustahil untuk melarikan diri lagi.
Dan, ini antara sikap2 janggal dan tak sesuai lagi
 1) Suka tersenyum pada orang lain tapi berat mulut. Bila akak/adik tu selalu sangat senyum bila jumpa, saya jadi tak selesa.
 2) Suka mengkritik tanpa rasa was2. Sekarang ni, kena tengok kiri kanan dulu kot2lah ada orang yang terkena.
 3) Seolah2 bercakap besar. Tapi, sebenarnya nak bercerita keadaan sebenar sahaja.
 4) Bila kawan2 dan saya membuat janji bersama, saya ingatkan diorang tak masukkan saya sekali. 

Macam2lah. Kelakar kan. Entah hapa2. Hoho.

Kami bertiga bermesyuarat selepas makan di Sushi King semalam. Siapa entah cemerkap (clumsy) sangat, makan sampai telur salmon tertumpah dari sushi. 

Bising

Kalau dahulu, semua orang bisu.
Sehinggakan, aku berbual bual sama dinding batu dan langit biru.

Itu dahulu.
Ini cerita terbaruku.
Semua orang galak berkongsi segalanya.

Bising.
Aku pusing.
Aku pusing.

Si Muka Hitam

Oh, si dia yang bermuka hitam

Tak nampak dimana hidungnya

Di mana mulutnya yang tertutup

Melainkan 2 bola mata yang berwarna biru

Oh, si dia yang bermuka hitam

Sehari harian pekerjaannya adalah bermain

Tapi selalunya tidur melentang

Menampakkan perutnya yang putih

Oh, si dia yang bermuka hitam

Adalah teman bermain yang berbulu selembut baldu

Sedap dipeluk dan dirangkul dalam pangkuan

Sayang berkali sayang si muka hitam

...... (untitled)

gambar: berkerja keras & sanggup bermatian2 waktu ni. nak belajar ke luar negara lah katakan. (Year 12 INTEC)


erm. semakin kurang fasih berkata kata kebelakangan ni.

semakin kurang berfikiran kritikal juga.

(>,<)"!!!

banyak diam dan menerima tanpa membangkang.

(-o-) hoho.

p/s: rindu kat lab group. bagusnya dapat kerja dalam lab group.

Job hunting :S

Heh. I dont want to say much about the weather.

It's raining everyday in every weeks. Only the 'heaviness' sometimes different.

In this kind of whether, not much also I can say about my daily routine.

The day pass without really much happening.

Kind of wasting time and potential of mine actually.

Some other factors that make the condition even worse.

1) I am still handicap at driving without proper practice from any free, professional driver (as no one is free at home?!)

2) Very slow internet connection. Not exactly. I can watch youtube surprisingly but not when try to upload my resume for online job application ( very high level of patience is very essential at this torture)

After all, I am actually very well feed and 'over' taken care from my mother.

Not to mention, very playful too with my time management.

Cannot get enough of hugging & stroking my Eka (family pet).

What else I can say with my life now.

It seems that my father enjoy of having me capture in the house by saying

' you must have more rest'. (Ok. Studying does make me worn out but not making me sick and old forever).

* * * * * * * *

To conclude everything, maybe raining days like this indeed a time for me to be at home and do nothing except enjoying myself. Haha. (still feeling like.... just forget it).

warming up

baiklah. akhirnya, kedegilan ini dipaksa untuk mengalah.

kedegilan yang lebih kepada kemalasan hakikatnya.

dari kerana kehidupan di dunia sendiri yang sangat sempurna,

beginilah jadinya.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

kebencian terhadap laman sosial penghubung silaturahim sudah

ke kemuncak.

akhirnya, disinilah keberadaan berita peribadi yang tak sewajarnya

disensasikan dicoret2.

nilai dan definisi persahabatan itu bukan lagi yang sesuci dan sejernih yang boleh

diharapkan dari medium paling canggih pada abad ini: internet.

kehidupan tanpa bergantungan langsung dengan makhluk ciptaan duniawi ini adalah

satu keberjayaan yang tersangat agung !!!.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

segala cita2 yang ditanam sewaktu seusia rebung adalah ilusi semata mata.

menangkah ke usia ini, cita2 itu adalah dogengan dan mainanan bocah!.

kehidupan tak sewajarnya dibenci tapi dihargai.

tapi, kebenaran itulah yang sukar sekali untuk ditelan tapi bagus sekali untuk diluah dan dihenyak2.

* * * * * * * * * *

penulisan ini sudah cukup memercik kan irama juang yang semakin malap.

hiduplah selagi diberi hidup. benar.

kalau mahu terus2an karutan, teruskan.

tapi, pastikan rentak hentak kaki ke hadapan turut jelas kedengaran.

mati selera

jasad dengan daging sama tulang

adalah satu bentuk kehidupan dengan petualang

ditumbuhkan dari makanan dan minuman berulang2

membesarlah jasad dengan baja2 yg x pernah kurang

kecuali pabila jasad gagal berfungsi dengan cemerlang

sogoklah sebanyak baja yang paling berkualiti di ladang

kalau sudah tiba saatnya mati akan mati tanpa dihalang2

tapi ini selera yang mati

apa jasad ini

atau perasaan ini

yang mahu mati

menjadi zahir yang bernyawa

tapi batin yang setengah sengsara?!

dunia yg kejam

Rasanya, waktu belajar BUSN 1001 adalah sebut case study pasal Enron.

Tapi, selepas 3 tahun- lupa dahlah citer sebenarnya.

Nama pun, science student yg gedik ambik accounting course.

Result pun hampeh.

Banyak sgt business terms yg x difahami.

* * * * * * * *

Tetiba, ada docu kat ABC bertajuk - Enron: The smartest guys in the room.

Perasaan lepas menonton docu selama 2 jam itu.

Seram sejuk.

Gila ah. Manusia memang boleh bertukar jadi iblis.

Gila. Gila.

Demi wang dan kepentingan diri sendiri.

Nyawa dan masa depan orang lain dikorbankan.

* * * * * * * *

I dont want to be in that kind of world.

Only knowing about it already made me living in disbelief & self denying.

Do people really can act over their limits?

Anything can if there was not rules saying right or wrong.

hilang fokus

eka yang sedang dibuli oleh kakak de. hehehehe.

fokus utama: belajar dan kerja.

hal2 lain: isu2 semasa-keluarga-pengalaman-hobi-kawan2

bercampur aduk dalam kepala ni.

melayang2 ke dunia lain. jasad disini.

pening.

sudahnya, banyak masa terbuang.

betapa pentingnya untuk FOKUS.

MATLAMAT JELAS.

kadang2,mungkin ada bagusnya
jadi robot dg 1 fungsi sahaja.
(mengeluhkah anda?!)

belajar dan berusaha

menjadi lebih baik dari sebelumnya

itu lebih baik dari sekadar mengeluh

betul kan?!! :)

pucuk hijau muda yg dicita

mata ini galak meliar memerhati.

setiap ciptaan Ilahi.

biarpun 2,3 atau berkali2.

melalui lorong yg sama.

pohon yg sama.

deretan rumah yg sama.

padang rumpun yg sama.

kali pertama dan kedua.

tiada apa2 yg bermakna.

musim berganti.

bulan bertukar.

tahun makin dipenghujung.

mengapa kau tidak melihat

segala yg sama

dg mata hati?.

nescaya, kau belajar sesuatu.

pasti.

* * * * * *

pucuk hijau muda

yang dicita- (aku)

tak pernah bosan

mendongak mencari2nya

di ranting2 togel x berdaun.

ah,musim bunga ~~~

Sakamoto -san

A black cat which wears a scarf created by the Professor which allows him to speak. As in cat years he is older than both Nano and the Professor, he speaks in a condescending tone towards them, though he occasionally succumbs to his cat-like habits (Wikipedia)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A lot of trivial things that I would like to share here.

But the, I dont think it is a good idea to write here.

The only thing I obsessed about is this black cat, Sakamoto san from Nichijou anime.

So, this is my favourite anime charachter after Nyanko sensei from Natsume Yuujinchou.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * **

In short, I want talking cat to be my sidekick at all times.

(Impossibilities can always happen if you start believing them!!!)

p/s: They are irresistable. Auwww~~~~~