Hebat ke graduate oversea?

To be honest, I feel natural or no feeling at all when some of my younger cousins got offer to further their after SPM study to oversea, mostly to Caucasian countries such as Australia, New Zealand and United Kingdom. It just too normal.

Why not they choose to go to other Asian or Arabic countries? Of course lah, it depends on course.
Most courses related to science and technology were pioneered in Western countries.
Unless you are a bit religious, then you will start looking option to further your degree in Arabic countries.

And you know what....., majority of people don't think other Asian or Arabic countries considered as classy enough. If not, why the sponsorship choose the Western countries at the first place?

I don't really care anymore about people going oversea for studying or even for vacation.

Nothing really great about other people countries' really if you don't really know your own value.

Like what happen to me. I am such a good example how doom someone could be when you busy trying to get know other people's successful life story but forget about my own life story.

So, please learn from my mistakes.

(somehow, this blog start telling all my bad side and weaknesses. should i feel embarrass and stop all these nagging?) 

👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

Well, to be honest with you..I don't know the right answer for the question.

Does studying oversea make someone more successful than others?

That one I can answer. Not really. Not really. Actually. 

It depends on how you want your life turns out to be after all.

I guess I know why people always, always, ALWAYS look high to those people who studying abroad.

Its either that person is filthy rich or genius that permits he/she to study there.

And, I don't fall into either of those two main categories. I am just an ordinary student who study really hard because study is my hobby, an escapism from other things such as sports, clubs or socialising. 

I got quite good results, so I apply for scholarship to study in oversea. I took the Australian Matriculation (AUSMAT) programme in INTEC for almost 2 years. I got just enough TER to make me qualified to further studying in Australia. 

My bad. I thought I was very successful already when I finally pass my AUSMAT programme. 

I should have just realised that I was far away from being successful.

My main objective should be my bachelor degree.

And, AUSMAT is not teaching any lessons for matriculation stage but only a high school major exam for Australian teenagers, similar to SPM. After high school, they go straight to university. That's why they start their working life at 20-21 years old. 

📔📘📗📔📘📗📔📙📘📗📔📙📘📗📔📙📘📗📔📙📘📗📔📙📘📗📔

Maybe, people should always pay some respect to those who studying abroad and come back to their home country and become really successful. Really successful here means that they use their knowledge and experience at oversea to be implemented in the country, so the system got better and better with time. 

So, the next generation could be as good as student studying in the prestigious universities at oversea.

But, why our education system is still considered low quality in comparison to those abroad universities after all the years the previous, previous, previous generations graduated from oversea working as lecturers in the local universities? The ranking system maybe. I dunno.

Our universities not even listed in the top ten of the best of the best universities in the world.

But, does it matter?

📈📉📊💾💻💹📈📉📊💾💻💹📈📉📊💾💻💹📈📉📊💾💻💹📈📉📊

People only see the roses part of the whole part of being a student in the foreign country.

Me too before I went studying there. I don't blame them. They could not see because they don't have the chances to see it.

Studying is not like going for vacation. It just totally two different things. 

Studying is also different from working at oversea. 

For some students like me who are really depending for moral support to be strong, it just a bad choice to study abroad. 

That person who plan to study oversea, must prepare mentally and emotionally at the first place.

It just a very tough situation to survive because you must not only focus on studying but also make time to sort out your life matters.

I don't have enough experience to handle all sorts of things at once while I am studying. That's why I am soo good at studying because I don't have other things to focus on. 

But, nope when I choose to study oversea.

And, I am still bad at juggling my life at the moment. 

👞👟👠👡👢👞👟👠👡👢👞👟👠👡👢👞👟👠👡👢👞👟👠👡👢👞👟

I still have some kind of big regrets in choosing to study in Australia. 

Yes, I got the chances to travel to some of the most beautiful places and feel the different types of weather.

But, as I said before. It never really matter to me at all now. 

Because, ........................ I should just explain to myself for this part. 

Most of my friends are working as government staff (sponsored by JPA) or GLC companies (sponsored by TNB, TM , Khazanah or Petronas) or local universities (UIA, UKM, UPM, USM, UMT, UPNM). Easy life for them. 

Just finish studying, straight into working life and then into marriage life and then family life. 

Just toooo smooth for them. I could not help but feel envy to them. 

👒👑👒👑👒👑👒👑👒👑👒👑👒👑👒👑👒👑👒👒👒👑👒👑

There are always exceptional cases. Some of them working in different field from what they learned in the university. Some even dedicated their time to be the best moms for their children. So, their children will be the next generation who will be studying oversea. 

Some still further their study till the highest they could possible have, in different part of the world (FOC!!!) and have already started working in some of the prestigious universities. 

And not to forget, some of them who have already leaving this whole thing behind and living in another, eternal world. 

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💮💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

As for me. Still struggling. What is the meaning of life if no hardships for us to learn from it? 

Dull and boring.

And I don't say those my successful friends are not struggling. But, at least they could have something to be proud of other than graduated from oversea.  

p/s: I could still remember how popular I am at Facebook among my friends during my time studying in Australia. But, when I came back home in 2012, none of them really bother about me weather I am dead or alive. What could I say? After all, I prefer a quite life like now than being stalked daily.

The stupidest thing I did in my entire life

No one have ever told me how valuable I am to them. Even my parents. But, that does not mean they don't love me. They love me through acts not words. So, somehow I just feel very unsure of my own self value to them and other people.

After all, love is a verb. Words are unnecessary, acts are more important.

💞💞💞💞💞💞💓💓💓💞💞💞💞💝💝💝💞💞💞💞💞

You are reading this because you want to know what my most stupid thing I ever did to myself in my whole life. I have done it many times but this time I got the lesson in very hard way.

I DEVALUE MYSELF AT ALMOST NO PRICE TAG AT ALL.

LIKE TRASH OR EVEN WORST. 

I feel soo ashamed just to think how bad I perceive my self-worth.
If you don't respect yourself, no one will.
Everyone can sense how you carry yourself around them.

It just a norm that people don't usually likes to find others' people beauty or talents.
They just love to pinpoint and highlights your underachievement and weaknesses.
It just soo human.

I can't blame them for being mean as Allah has created human to be like that.
Full with envy and bad desire to other people.

Except persons who believe with all their heart that Allah is the best planner.

🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌺🍁🌺🍁🌺🍁🌺🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿

As I get older and older, people around me somehow starts giving me more pressure and pressure about my spinster status, indirectly or directly.

Indirectly is when all my ex-schoolmate with 2 or 3 kids started discussing how happy they are with their kids and how lucky they got pregnant at first attempt. Yeap.

They even announced their target of achievement to get the 4th and 5th children for the next 2 years.
Yep, pretty much something likes that.

Directly, of course from my own family. They said something likes I am single for too long, sooo tak laku. Or they keep asking me whether I have boyfriend or not. Or they quietly plan to wear specific colour for Hari Raya and left you alone with your own colour of choice. Then, only me wearing different colour from their theme colour.

That's how the situation for me.

Thus, I grow weaker, feeble, hopeless and hapless by year to year. 
I don't see I have any self worth anymore as long as I hold this title; andartu. 

🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂

So, I start taking initiative to get rid this spinster status. I abhor this status.
Everyone looks down and pity me because of this.

But, basically the rule is very simple. What you think about yourself will cause people see the same way you see yourself. If it was bad, like mine.....sooo, other people will see it triple or more worst that you are actually is. Just keep that in your mind. 

To make the story short, I met a guy. I don't really know him but from outside, he is pretty awesome.
We started contact each other but in the second week, I knew this guy is not a nice guy.

But, I am too weak and hapless to end the relationship. The most toxic relationship you could have.
Because of what?

Because I am soooooo stupid to believe my self-worth depending on my single or married status!!!. 

🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🍍🍍🍍🍍🍍🍍🍍🍍🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲

So, I got the lesson in very hard way.

He broke up with me, gladly and I don't want to care about him anymore.
He is the most terrible guy which I could never thought could exist in this whole universe.

Enough about him. Pfftttt.....

Here, a few things I learn from my mistake.

💛 Please don't let other people control what you want in my life.
💜 Have some respects to yourself. Who can respect you if you don't respect yourself.
💙 Bad guys are many. Don't fall for one.
💚 How terrible people surrounds treat you because you are spinster, stay true to your own value. You know how valuable you are.
💛 Being spinster is not a sin act. Being a wife and disrespect your husband is a huge sin.
💜 Feeling down, run to Allah. Feeling low, run to Allah. Feeling alone, again run to Allah.

💙 This is only a test.
💚 Embrace your singleness.

💛 YOU MUST KNOW YOUR OWN SELF WORTH 💜

Below, some quote I got to share. 

Pre eidul fitri (*wink*wink*)

Give me 5 or 10 minutes to exercise my brain in order to start writing this post.
(Hyak 1 time, hyak 2 times, hyak 3 times.)
Ok. I think that should be enough. 
Not really. Huhu. 

My head feeling languish with all those sleep I had before I am rushing to IIUM. Thanks to my boss's call in the morning. If he called, it means some really urgent tasks need to be done at the moment. 

So, as I expected. The urgent call is all about students' marks key in tasks that seem to be never ending. For couple hundreds of students, I guess. And 1 student has 4 to 5 assessment forms. 
Kinda boring really. urgh. 

My head still does not want to cooperate with me. So, I am writing this post in the hope that it could activate and connect all those neuron cells in my brain. My mood and hungriness are not helping at all. 

💧💢💢💢😔😔😔💢💢💢😔😔😔😔💢💢💢💣

We had a long weekend last week. Extra one day in remembering and celebrating Nuzul Quran day on 17th Ramadhan, which fall on Monday. There are several opinions on the exact date of Nuzul Al-Quran, but most prominent opinion among Islamic scholars is on 17th Ramadhan.

You must know what is actually happen on this day, don't you?
Better ask and learn from someone you know hold good knowledge about Islam.

And I am not qualified to explain the magnificent and majestic event with my superficial knowledge surrounds the topic.

Yeah. Long weekend is what my mom has been waiting for sooo looooonggg.
She has 1001 plans to be executed for those days, and who will be her assistant ?

Who else? Me lah, as a daughter and sure my father too (if he did not have any other plans).

There is another story for my father. He is very eager to cook various dishes for iftar. Almost every day, he cooks. His cooking are not bad at all, but.... too much for three of us to finish them.

🙊🙊🙊😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅🙊🙊🙊

It's really does a very tiring weekend. My mom keep reminds me to get up early in the morning. 

Of course, I got up early since I am also very excited in preparing my home sweet home for eid.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA. LIE. A BIG LIE." 

Maybe I am not as excited as my mom, but I am also not against her in following all her orders.

"Masukkan penyangkut dalam semua langsir baru. Lepas tu turunkan langsir lama. Senang, x yah turun naik turun naik."

"Hurm, penyangkut yg ada byk dah rosak. Boleh lah nak cabut dulu langsir." 

"Kita lap habuk kat kipas plak. Vacuum dan lap tingkap."

I am the one who are the most trusted person by my both parent to climb the ladder in order to reach the high place. Since I am the smallest even though not the lightest. (Wuhuhuhuh.)

Besides, my small body size. I am also have no bad record of falling off from the ladder likes what happened to my mom and my dad last time. All due to changing curtain. 

A very dangerous task for the sake of eidul fitri, I could say. Hmph. 

But, this time both my parent seemed very eager and quite brave in joining me to climbing up the ladder. As I am taking too long and too much break time in between the works. (Huhu.)

"Penat wooo. Dahlah pose."

My mom managed her works successfully without any accidents. My dad too. But, the tasks put a lot of stress on his legs' joints and thus he has been in pain till this days. Sadly.

💠💮💐😟😟😟😢😢😢💠💮💐

Then, the next day at IIUM, I found something cute and funny about this whole thing.

My other single friends also got pushed by their mothers to do cleaning, brushing, decorating and so on so on during the long weekend. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

They must move big cupboard and other furnitures, so the house looks new on eidul fitri.

They must cook and cook and cook.

One of them even said this;

"Kenapalah mak2 ni seronok sangat nak berhari raya. Dahlah pose, penat nak buat keje macam2"

Which is exactly the same thought I had while wiping up that dusty fan ceiling. Hohohoho.

😝😜😝😛😀😀😀

🌟❤💜🌟🌟🌛🌛🌛🌛🌛🌛🌛🌟💜❤🌜🌜🌜🌜🌜🌜🌜🌟🌟💜❤🌟

Trust me. You will be missing these precious moments when the time comes in future. 

18 Ramadhan

Assalamualaikum my dear brothers and sisters,

How's your Ramadhan has been going on so far?
I keep trying to remember how I spend my Ramadhan last year, but I could not remember any.
Huhu.

I don't think I am fully utilising my Ramadhan this year in gaining as maximum reward (pahala) as I could/ I hope so. Due to two main reasons; lazy and bad mood/ giving up.

😭😭😭

Even though, I am actually has prepared myself mentally and has been planning very early this year on how I am going to spend my Ramadhan this year.

"I want to make a lot of dua', finish 1 juzu' Al-Quran per day, qiamulail and so on so on and so on." 

And, guess what. I found it to be very difficult to get done. 

😧😧😧

To be real honest with you, it such a shame if we did not take this Ramadhan seriously to reduce our past sins and top up as much as we could of our good deeds. There are bountiful, countless, multiple rewards for such a small good deed that we do in Ramadhan in comparison to others month. 

Oh dear me, only a week or so left for me to replace all those wasted nights and days of Ramadhan.

If I am lucky enough not to get ABC (you know what I mean as a woman). 

💔💔💔🙇🙇🙇

So hungry right now. Actually, I got fed up with my key in marks task now. Huhu. Yeah. 

I should mention some honourable and significant loss in previous weeks of Ramadhan.

💙 1st Sunday of school holiday (2nd Ramadhan), my Mak Ngah in Temerloh passed away after 6         months of treatment in hospital and at house. 

💚 Then, 3 deaths in row of local celebrities starting with Syahid bintang syurga (the son of Bazli UNIC), Shea Rasol and Julia Perez. All due to cancer. 

💛 6 family members were killed at once in a horrible accident at Ladang Risda somewhere2, leaving only one family member survived. How painful and sad it could be for this coming Hari Raya?

💜 Who's next? I also don't know. It might be you or it might be me.

The reality is, every day people is dying and dead. Only we just don't know it because it is not someone who are related to us. It just a really natural way of life cycle. No one is immortal. 

🌼🌺🌸🌼🌺🌸🍁🍀

Today, we are breathing. The next day, we are battling with our self only to keep survive. In short, just remember, we are not going to be long here, in dunya. 

Anything we have, will loss. Anything we don't have, it does not matter anymore. 

😉😉😉So, keep praying for jannah and never take for granted what we have today. 😊😊😃

Stagnant water

In this kind of weather (Its November!), I feel like I am dozing off easily at every seconds of the day.

And, yes I am at the moment. 

Some front paper title I should not miss out to highlight today are;-

• Fidel Castro, a communist & revolutionary leader in Cuba was dead yesterday at 90 years old.

• Malaysia was defeated by Myanmar with 0 to 1 score in AFF Suzuki Cub.

• Rohingya minority muslim ethnic in Myanmar sufferings got full blast coverage in news.

My comments on these three most popular news title, ermmm. Maybe they will be too long and complicated, which require another blog post for me to analyse and write in details. 

Back to my not so important life story.

🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻

I don't blame the weather for my recent life's stagnation of any kind of improvements and productions.

I don't really know how long it has been like this or whether how long I plan to remain stagnant and dormant like this. I hope not for my entire life. 

Berat nanang gini.

Memang berat nanang sungguh gini.

Where does motivation and life goals go off, missing or disappear in the thin and cold air of November? I am really not sure for myself. 

If I don't plan for my life, definitely and most certainly I plan for my doomsday. 

🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻

Let me be honest. 

YES, I HAVE MY LIFE GOALS AND AIMS THAT I WOULD LIKE TO ACHIEVE.

I LIST 5 OR 6 OF THEM IN THE FRONT PAGE OF MY SMALL GREEN NOTEBOOK. 

I LOOK AT THEM ALMOST EVERY DAY (not on weekends sadly).

(And the last one, I wrote it in very small size writings since it cannot be predictable or necessarily need a lot of hard works, sadly.) 

I even read page by page a motivation book exclusively written by a woman for women to be successful in every aspect of life. Bright in pink, for God's sake !!

Frankly, I hate that book (its kinda boring) but I keep pushing myself to finish reading it. 

It takes a lot of pains for that!!!

What a shame really. I read a motivation book but I don't really like it and nothing really happen.

What a waste of time. 

🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻🔺🔻

What else I want to write here? Hurmmmmm. A lot but then I forget. 

I start feeling sleepy again now. 

Oh..I have a dream tooooooo (let's take a guess)......................

🎆🎆 MAKE A LOT OF MONEY VIA BUSINESS (not so extraordinary. normal)

🎆🎆 COOK A LOT OF DISHES & BREAD, SO, I CAN INVITE PEOPLE EAT AT HOME

(wohoh. this one I could say quite ambitious for myself. really need strong will to make this real).

But, in the end, I rather lay down and watch some science and news on youtube, twitter or pinterest.

Oh, dear me. Sad me. 

Aku mau lari ke Antartika & berteman sama beruang polar dan penguin.
Supaya aku boleh melambai selamat tinggal kepada kejayaan & keinginan.
Bye2 duniaaaaaaa. Byeeeeee.
(Inilah kata2 seseorang yang bukannya sesiapa,maupun Hamka ataupun Fidel Castro.Huh.)

1st post in 2016

I feel quite a shame that I never ever once write in this blog during this year.
For some reasons, I googled my name at one night and re-read my whole writings in this blog
(except that was written in 2011. There are too many!!!).

So, I guess I should start writing something for 2016, which will come to the end
in quite some time actually. About 6 weeks from now to be exact.

Happy 20+ years 1 day for me today!!! 🎈🎈🎈🎂🎂

NOOOO. Nope. You cannot guess my date of birth by referring to the date this post is published.

As the date & time for this blog mess up due to I don't know how to change the settings for it.

💎💮🍇🍈🍉🍊🍋🌿🌽🌼🌸🍀🌺💎💮🍇🍈🍉🍊🍋🌿🌽🌼🌸🍀🌺

I wonder how much I have changed since I started writing this blog.

It has been somehow 5 to 6 years honestly. 

Some of the pictures in this blog will never be recovered again, sadly.

As the results of big flood at the end of 2013. 

This post is in short only for my own self-reflection.

Am I really a different person compare to me in 2011?

🌼🌸🍀🌺💎💮🍇

I keep asking myself the same question again and again after the night I re-read my blog.

I believe myself is very much a different person today than my old person. 

But, I am really not sure how much of myself have changed towards the better me.

It could be 40% or 50% or more.

Or maybe less than that, which quite regrettably to say.

5 to 6 years are not a short period of time. 

Believe me. 

 I will write some big events that have happened to me throughout these years.

(just for the sake of writing something to be read in future time)

🌈 Bersih 5 yesterday. Supermoon last week. 

🌈I went for my Master Convocation couple of weeks before.

🌈 I quit from my job as a science & biology teacher in an international school.

🌈 I got a niece last year. 

🌈 We went to perform umrah. 

🌈 Eki, our second oldest cat was dead by me putting him to sleep.

🌈 and I dont really know what to write anymore.

🌼🌸🍀🌺💎💮🍇

The enlisted events that I wrote down above actually not even in the right sequence.

Whatever lah.

This is a very deep thought post that using up a lot of my emotion.

Why?

I think I know, but should I tell you. Definitely, no. 

I feel as if I am just a speck of dust in the entire world. Seriously. 

Hopeless.Hapless. 

Why everybody is so petrified? Me too..

That's title is actually a line from a song from Fort Minor.
If you share a similar taste in music with the old me (a mixture of rap and rock (maybe)),
you can listen and watch the song below;

This is one of my most favourite Fort Minor's song during my INTEC years. Believe me, I had never listen such kind of these music during my secondary years.

                                          >>>>>>>>>>>>>****<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I don't know. I really don't know. Why I feel extremely petrified with some news I heard or read from my close family or media social? Up to the point, I cannot breath and turn into vegetative state or paralysed if I continue thinking about that matter.

I just could not imagine why it is happening and how I will react if I am in their shoes?
Overthinking might turn me into a senile young single lady before the time.

Let's me tell you very briefly what are the news that have made me very petrified last night.

                                           >>>>>>>>>>>>*****<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

First, I was petrified (still) and felt terribly sorry with my mom's brother ( aka my uncle) when we were informed very suddenly  that his wife was hospitalized due to a very long period of continues vaginal bleeding since early Ramadhan. The doctor suspected for the worst and she must undergo operation.

OMG. I keep saying inalillah...... in my heart.
I really don't know what other dzikr should I said during that time.
I met her during Hari Raya and heard that she felt tired with the long journey but nothing else.
I pray for her good health.

Then, the news shared in the newspaper and media social also does not make the situation even better.

                                                  >>>>>>>>>>*****<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

My mom really interested with the news on the missing children, which quite a current hot topic (other than Najib's RM 2.6 billion in his personal account) as Mak Cik2 in my kelas jahitan also discussed the same thing.

I guess, once you have became a mom, you really pay attention any stories related to children's well being. I am actually started to questioning those horrible stories where villain people kidnap young children and cut their organs out in order to sell it to the desperate, filthy rich patients who in need for all sorts of organ replacement.

However, I were extremely petrified looking at the picture attach with the story. Very gore one.
A baby with stomach cut open large with guts out. Terrifying.
I should not write any more details on that.

                                             >>>>>>>>>>> *******<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<


Last but not the least, the one with the most disturbing effect on me is about a 11 years old girl who give birth to a baby boy, which then died due to complications in the stomach. How very unfortunate that little girl life to have a baby at a very young age.

Not yet entering secondary school, maybe not yet learning about reproductive system in science subject, but have already practice the theory into the real life. OMG, what has happened to our known decent and refine manners Asian culture?.

To whom we should blame and responsible about this matter?
Please don't quickly answer it is solely the parents role.
Our society?
Maybe, more specific and relevant is actually ourselves to be blamed.

The temptations for immoralities are no doubt can sometimes can get extremely hard to be ignored.
Even for someone who is already married can fall into adultery.
No exception, no one.

Pffft, the fact that is terribly true is indeed very petrifying.

                                   >>>>>>>>>> *****<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

The only thing that was left behind (I am very sure) to that very young mom after all the games is curiosity. Nothing else.
Sometimes, it is best not to be curious on anything especially something that are clearly forbidden.

That left me curious, who is the father and where he is now?.
Very lucky uh to be a guy, once you did it, you can run away without any problems.
Then, the girl keep sealed her lips tight just to make everyone look her as a victim.

Nice play.

Batu karang di gigi

Somehow, one question suddenly popped out in my mind right now.
"What teeth are made of?"
I guess they are made from calcium, similar to the bone and gallstone (batu karang) as well
as sea shell. Very tough and solid material to build one vital part of human body.

Is it the right term to use 'part of human body', very sorry if I am using the wrong terms as I have never had any formal education in anatomy subject.

* * *  ^^^  ***

Anyway, I had my second dental check up in 14 years today. Again, 14 YEARS.
So, it was quite a big life event for me every time I met a dentist since I got my whole set of permanent teeth.
I know, I know that everyone should seek dentist every six months, but I am very concerned about
the fees as you know I have no income to spend bulk of money only for teeth.

Besides, I am not really interested a.k.a SEGAN to ask money again and again from my parent.
But, I would like to thank my mom, A LOT OF THANK YOU for keeping her eye on my teeth.
At one time before Ramadhan , she keeps commenting, nasty comments about how my teeth look.

Because of that, I keep worrying about my teeth's health condition.
Huhu. But, not all the time I could say as I still can consume a lot of sugary food without any issues.

* * * ^ ^ ^ * * *

I hope you have not jump into the conclusion that I am a very bad person at cleaning my teeth.
Ewww, what a mucky person she is.

Nooo, nope, no. I would like to consider myself as 'clumsy at following routine before bed time'.
Should I explain into details? I hope not.
You sure can get what I mean.

Whenever I wanna to sleep, I just go to sleep. As simple as that.
On top of that, living at the hostel (boarding school) even encourage me more not to practice good dental hygiene before sleep as you need to go to the scary toilet at the end of the floor, at the time when people were not that many.

* * * ^ ^ ^ * * *

Begin from there, I never really thought about my teeth's health condition anymore.
By the way, my teeth never make me agony in pain. So, it should be fine.

* * * ^ ^ ^ * * *

I were very lucky enough that my teeth and gum were very tough enough to maintain preserve with the presence of a lot of nasty bacteria and evil plaque for many years.

I am still never knew how did they manage that brutal and horrendous condition in my mouth.

During my secondary school, I were actually feeling the need to meet the dental nurse worked in my previous primary school. I am still remember her very light skin similar to Chinese women, and her house with very high gate, which I barely see the compound of her house.

The memories still fresh in my mind when we need to squat near to the small drain (longkang) to practice the right way of brushing our teeth. The dental clinic room at the third level and the regular meetings with the dental nurse, which might happen almost every month where she made some signs on certain small squares represents each teeth I had at that time in the two pages green card.

The experience when I felt my cheek gradually increase in size (kembang) and very numb when the nurse injected some kind of anesthetic drug in order to remove the perforated milk tooth. Some friends showed their tooth with grey filling or in Malay, tampal gigi. 

I really miss the periodical meetings with the dental nurse after I finished my primary school, but somehow time pass by and I just forgot the importance of regular check up for teeth anymore, even the most correct way how to keep my teeth healthy.

* * ^ ^ ^ * * *

My front teeth were the most affected after years and years of negligence by me.
They changed position as the plaques pushed everything aside as the plaques increased in size and thus, required more spaces.
So, my front teeth got gaps here and there, which is somehow make myself cannot stop feeling the gap with my tongue. It is very huge and uncomfortable to left it like that, as if I can grow something else there on the free space between the teeth.

Maybe roses or petunia. To add colours in my mouth.

I feel quite sorry for my teeth. I am very sorry and I will do my best to take care of you after this.

Pagi dan rezeki

Sesetengah orang memang ada masalah untuk bangun pagi.
Tapi, saya bukanlah orang yang begitu kecuali kalau saya berjaga malam itu.
Selalunya saya berjaga disebabkan tengok movie kat laptop ataupun di tv.
Stay up untuk buat kerja memang sgt jarang dah sekarang ni.

Mungkin sebab pengurusan masa yang lebih teratur kottt.
Haha. Kemungkinan yang agak meragukan.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Saya pernah baca satu pesanan nasihat mengenai orang yang suka tidur lepas subuh termasuklah
orang yang tidur tapi bangun semula untuk solat dhuha.
Tak tahulah saudara/i pembaca bersetuju atau tidak dengan apa yang dikongsikan.

Kata2nya lebih kurang macam nilah; orang yang suka tidur lepas subuh adalah orang yang tidak
bersyukur dan sangat angkuh dan bongkak pada yang memberi rezeki, Allah sebab terang2an waktu pagi itu adalah waktu pintu rezeki terbuka dengan luas.

Waktu mula2 baca tu macam...hurm, ok. whatever.
But, kata2 mesej yang agak panjang tu seringkali pula diimbas semula dalam kepala ni setiap kali bangun lambat waktu pagi.

Tidak ada keraguan langsung dalam kebenaran kata2 itu.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Saya jujurnya selalu rasa bersalah kalau waktu terluang saya terbiar begitu sahaja dengan bermalas malasan. Senang kata, orang yang tidur selepas subuh adalah orang yang pemalas.

Super duper pemalas. Kaki tidur. Tidak ada matlamat hidup. Tidak fikir jauh.

Dang. Semuanya itu adalah label2 yang saya tak nak ada kaitan langsung sepanjang saya hidup ni.
Malangnya, dengan keazaman yang rapuh, saya tak fikir tidur selepas subuh adalah masalah besar, kronik dan serius.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Saya memang ada masalah kehidupan yang paling serius, penyakit paling bahaya bila tak mahu berhenti tidur lepas subuh.

MEMANG SILAP BESOOOOOR!!!!!

Perjalanan hari saya yang dimulakan dengan tidur pagi terasa sangat pendek dan rugi, walhal saya membuat kerja2 secara produktif, cekap dan cepat sekali pada sebelah tengahari/petang.

Saya mula berasa sangat yakin, mungkin 80% rezeki saya untuk hari itu telah lebur atau lesap dimamah oleh bahang pagi disebabkan saya terlalu sibuk bergolek golek diatas tilam empuk.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Untuk berapa juta kesekian kalinya, saya berasa menyesal dengan amalan tidur selepas subuh.
Saya tak akan mati pun kalau tak tidur cuma itulah, orang yang pemalas dan dungu akan buat juga berulang ulang kali sebab rasa itulah keenakan nikmat rezeki pagi yang paling tak boleh dilepaskan.

Hakikatnya, adalah sebaliknya.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Kalau hendak dan mahu, gunung api pun aku sanggup daki dan tawan.
Inikan pula tidur lepas subuh.

So, what's next? Money and more money.

Please, don't make your own conclusion based on that title only.
Yes, I aim to get a lot of money after I studied so hard since I were seven years old in a very damaging education system. That means I spend almost 2 decade of my life only for studying.
Yeah, right. Not bad, huh.

I don't complain. The past has been past, so, just let it go.
But, for my next generation, I hope they might want to learn survival life lesson other than only reading and finishing their homework in the book.
Who knows when the earth quake or war might happen in the future?
Who knows but I hope there will be minimal, very very minimal chances or none of these to be happen.

For my future daughters, I will start training you to love kitchen at the very early age.
So, we can share a hobby together.
The more the merrier. Hehe. AS IF.
(Lately, I could not stop berangan on many things. So, just forget it, ok.)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * ** * * * * ** * * * * * * * ** *

Berangan, that the key word for this entry.
So, the very young UIA counselor lady encouraged me to keep having big dreams for the sake of
self motivation. Yeah, absolutely true in a way.
From there, I am no longer stopping myself to start planning and planning non stop for the future.
There are 1001 possibilities to be successful, but in the end, I fail to choose which one I should
focus and aim first before I start looking another challenges to be achieved.

My parents start joking around whenever I started talking some kind of ambitions I would like to work on in the future, since I keep talking but nothing has been working out in order to fulfill that aims.

Senang cite, macam cerita angan-angan Mat Jenin, macam tin kosong.
Cakap banyak, tapi habuk satu pun tarak ada.

I don't blame them to underestimate my capabilities since I have never tried to prove to them that I am very serious on what I aim for!!!

For now, the situation is more or less likes that, not much changes to be honest.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


To think again, I were once got a smirk smile from this one very brilliant pHD sister when I were studying in Australia as I told her I want to further my pHD in another country (which I cannot mention it here). For some reasons, after couple of years when I remember back my discussion with her, she was actually quite arrogant with her almost perfect education and life achievements. Got married, had a son and further her post doc study in almost effortless way. Perhaps.

Anyway, maybe I am the one who was being the jerk in the first place, boasting around on something about myself to the juniors I met there.

So, here I am, jobless, confuse on what I want in my life and not yet a loser, but most probably yes if I continue losing track with my ongoing life's journey. Very short one and not knowing when it will approaching the due date.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * ** * * * * * * * *  **

I cannot really focusing on writing this entry anymore. Everyone keep updating their story in this living room.

Let's continue again.

So, a few of my UIA friends asked me when I will do my pHD? I guess all my fellows postgraduates friends' ultimate aim is to get a pHD by hook or by crook disregard on whatever research they interested in. As long as, doing a pHD in Kuantan.

Again, I shouldn't be biased on them and judging them solely on my very own view without even asking what are their plans for the future, which I am very sure to be a lecturer in a university.
I am tired of this kind of future predictions without any certainty about it.
Frustrated and agitated, I start feeling annoyed with friends who continue pHD straight after Master without any worries about paying their study loan.

Why nobody even care to find a job and make a living?!!!
Don't they want some time out from reading scientific journals, spending day in and day out in the laboratory and taking a very good care on their animals specimens as if they are their beloved children?

Could you feel my frustration towards them?
Whatever, who I am to decide what they want to do with their life. Go to hell lah about my opinions.
I wish all my UIA friend who's doing pHD to be the best among the best in their pHD study.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * *  * * * * ** * * * * * * * * *


My last point for tonight is about make a living.
Since I went back from studying abroad, my living cost has been fully supported by my parent.
My daily need such as food, living place, transportation and clothes does not cost much money.
Most probably since I am not very fond with shopping and eating out.
I just live on whatever terms I were on and not complaining at all except for freedom to have a better social life, which I doubt also has so much interest in me.

I have to meet my business-minded main supervisor several times in order to get his signature on my forms, which is quite awkward and unfriendly if he never asked anything about me and just straight away signed in the paper and waived goodbye. Very unlikely to happen like that unless he is very busy on that morning/afternoon.

The most popular questions he keep asking me lately are like these;-
"How's your job hunting has been lately, Fazilah? It is very tough to get a job nowadays."
"So, what else you do at home? Have you done any online business right now? What? No.
You got internet connection at home, right?",
" You should do business, Fazilah. Look at me, Honestly, I don't need this lecturer job that only pay me RM10,000 per month as compared to my business that worth even more. Almost all my down line can get RM 30,000 per month regardless their very low education qualification (SPM only)".

Yes, yes, yes...time is money and money is time.
Saying is a lot easier than doing it. Anyway, thank you for encouraging me to start a business, which
I found it is very very very risky and terrifying to begin with.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Enough then. You make your own conclusion.
I cannot open my eyes already.

An ending to my study's story

I am quite under weather actually while writing this.
After two days of painful throat, the cough starts showing its true colour.
But, I prefer coughing than keep swallowing saliva as if it can make the pain in the throat disappear.
As far as I could remember, I had never fall sick during Ramadhan.

But, I couldn't be 100% sure, this is my first time in my entire 20++ of living.
To add another painful story, I accidentally cut my index finger while trying to pulling out ayam percik from its bamboo stick.
I were terribly shock (not really) at the sight of red blood started oozing slowly from my very thin skin. I never knew that bamboo could be as sharp as knife. Nice.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * *

I love writing this blog. Sometimes, I got soo many idea but then I just put it aside thinking that its quite troublesome to sit in front of the laptop only to mumbling around on some cheesy things.

After couple of months spending wee hours by day and night catching up my keep-changing-due date to complete my Master's thesis, I found writing is really much a very passive job.
I gained soo much weight during that writing period without I realised it as I never really need to walk around to do something, but solely face the screen and crack my brain.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  * * * * *   ** * ** ** * * * ** * * * *

To be honest, the beginning to make myself giving all out commitment on writing was very difficult, harder than ever since I am at the very comfortable zone of my life.

But suddenly, the reality kicked in when I was obviously rejected by the panelist during the SPA interview. I knew I were not the chosen one immediately by the very sharp and haughty comments I got after I were literally begging for the job.

Kerja gomen siot, sape tak nak.

I were actually stop writing at all for a week before the interview in order to focus only on reading and remembering everything related to the position, only to be totally emotionally beaten up after that.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
To make this story short, I went to the counselling center in UIA since I got nightmares for one or two nights after that. I were very miserable and entirely giving up on writing after the interview.

To end the story, I managed to finish my entire thesis writing about 2 months and probably a week or two to check the format by myself and send it to my supervisors. But, the entire process to be officially finish my Master's study is still going on and may take another couple of months.

After all, I feel very grateful to Allah for granting me to be broken heart during the interview, so I got the forceful push from back to never give up and keep fighting !!!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * ** * * *  * *

But, but, but the motivation dies with times and old habits relapse after that.
There will be another entry on that. Soon after this one.

The Future ?

Starting last month, I find myself under great pressure.
I barely can breath normally sometimes, or sleep at night.
But, that does not mean I forget to be slacking around in most of the times.

However, I do get panic attacks a lot of times. Even at this moment. Today. Last night.

How other people coop with this kind of pressure?
Some of my friends have submitted their thesis.
And they should finishing it sooner actually.

I am really happy with them.
I want to be relieve like them too.

7 hari di KL

Not exactly KL. Places near to KL, ie Gombak and Ampang.
Not sure how my mother handle things at home without me.
My humanity kicks in whenever Kak Ngah turns into Mrs Jekyll in one morning.

I have not leaving home for quiet sometime. Maybe too long which make my parents feel
enormously concern with me travelling to other places without them.
I cannot really complaining about this matter if I continue living with them.
So, I must find job very soon.

Talking about job, I must finish my study first.
But, it is another long story to start with.
I find it very hard to answer someone with this question
"What makes your study take too much time that 2 years are not enough?"
Or other questions with similar meaning like that.

And, I am being 100% honest in answering that simple silly question.
Its all my supervisor's fault, who used me to do his professorship business.
But then, I doubt that it should be the real answer as it is not 100% true.
My own act also cause me failure to finish my study sooner.

I met this one person who smile broadly when I feel impressed with her near-to-finish
writing her thesis draft. Twice submission to her supervisor.
How I envy her smile. Seriously.

So, I must work harder. No matter what are the reasons I give to myself.
p/s: Akak setahun tua dariku yang baru kukenal hari ni sedang berbual di telefon pada jam lewat malam2 begini. Ah, pasti dengan buah hatinya. 'Untung lah' yang bisa ku bicara pada diri sendiri.
   

Selepas Hujan

Mungkin awanan dilangit tidak terlalu terbeban dengan air lagi pada waktu ini.
Namun, siapa tahu kalau2 air yang dikandung boleh melimpah lagi pada minggu hadapan.
Semua pun sibuk dengan cerita2 gelombang kedua.

Tapi, buat masa ini ada yang cuba meneruskan kehidupan seperti biasa.
Walaupun, tidaklah 100% sama seperti kehidupan sebelum banjir.
Terutama sekali saya yang seperti kehilangan arah selepas semua yang berlaku.

Saya tidak tahu apa lagi yang boleh dilakukan untuk tempoh pengajian yang semakin hari semakin suntuk.
Saya lupa segala matlamat dan perancangan yang ingin dilaksanakan dan ditamatkan dalam tempoh tertentu.
Akibat banjir, sayalah yang paling sengsara.

Saya kehilangan meja belajar.
Saya kehilangan kereta.
Saya kehilangan komputer riba.

Dan, masalah saya berputar-putar pada perkara yang sama sahaja.
Tiba-tiba, ayah pula perlu tinggal di hospital.
Adik pula perlu ke rumah mertua dan isteri di luar daerah.

Aduh!..Saya sememangnya ingin berputus asa sahaja. Sebenarnya.
Biarlah saya tinggal sendiri bersama-sama barang2 yang tenggelam oleh lumpur.
Busuk dan kotor.

Sehari-hari mencuci didapur, diruang tamu dan semuanya.
Mengurskan gambar2 yang hancur kerana air.
Memasak dan makan apa sahaja asalkan perut kenyang dan bertenaga semula.

Haih.

Semasa Hujan Tidak Berhenti

Mungkin sudah hampir seminggu, hujan tidak juga mahu berhenti. Bukan di sini sahaja, malah di seluruh tempat di dalam negara subur dan makmur ini. Tidak terkecuali di kesemua negara-negara seantore ini.

Air tak berhenti-henti mencurah. Menghempap atap merah, daun pisang, jalan tar dan apa sahaja yang tidak terlindung oleh sesuatu yang menutup. Apa sahaja yang dihempap pasti menghasilkan pelbagai jenis irama musik dengan nada yang seragam dan berulang-ulang. Hari basah sememangnya hari yang bising. Lebih bising daripada jalan raya yang sesak.

Tanpa hangatnya Sang Suriani, semuanya nampak kelam dan berbau asam. Semua yang basah terutamanya pakaian yang perlu dibasuh sehari-hari menjadi masam. Tuala juga bertukar hapak selang 2,3 hari sahaja. Bantal juga menjadi bertambah tambah kusam warnanya.Kalau tidak dipakaikan sarung yang baru, pasti bantal2 semuanya tidak diguna menjadi alas kepala pada hari-hari busuk seperti sekarang. Tidak menyelerakan mata, hidung dan tentunya tekak.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Dibeberapa tempat telah dilaporkan air sudah menenggelamkan tempat tinggal mereka.
Kalau dahulu, keluarga kami juga jadi gusar dan tidak senang duduk bila hujan tidak juga mahu berhenti.

Bila air Sungai Isap melimpah, longkang besar didepan rumah pertama sekali senak dengan air berwarna lumpur. Bila hujan masih juga terus turun, longkang akhirnya memuntahkan segala yang terlebih ke kawasan laman dan seterusnya ke dalam rumah. Memenuhi setiap penjuru lantai yang rendah.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Waktu semasa itu. Saya masih lagi bergelar seorang pelajar tanpa ijazah.
Mungkin tidak naif sepenuhnya, tapi lebih dungu daripada sekarang.
Atau sama sahaja dungunya seperti sekarang.

Oh, hujan!
Sememangnya ini musimnya kau menjadi degil dan terus terusan membasahkan dan menenggelamkan
daerah ini.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kalaulah aku boleh meminjam Sang Suriani pada waktu ini untuk disimpan didalam kamar kecilku.
Agar aku tidak terus hanyut bersama-sama air bah yang menelan kawasan2 rendah.

1 Jam Cerita

1 jam berbicara di telefon sebenarnya tidaklah terlalu lama.
Perbicaraan kami boleh sahaja dipanjangkan menjadi 2,5 hingga 12 jam lamanya.
Kalau tidak kerana takut bil telefon saya mecanak-canak naik sehingga ke puncak Genting Highland ataupun Cameron Highland, sudah pasti saya mengutarakan isu baru pula.

Lokasi dimana saya akan berdiri lama dan berbicara seorang diri
dengan telefon ditelinga tidaklah menentu.
Kalau dahulu, kebiasaannya di atas katil bersama bantal dan selimut.
Tapi sekarang, saya lebih gemar dihujung koridor tingkat satu sambil melihat pemandangan hijau rumput, rimbun semak dan lalang, tanah merah tebing yang ditarah dan tempat letak kereta.
Pemandangan yang pada awalnya agak menyenangkan tiba2 bertukar makin memeningkan, seolah2 berputar-putar apabila perbicaraan kami semakin rancak.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Perlukah saya memperkenalkan siapakah gerangan yang menadah telinga di hujung talian?
Tak penting pada pengiraan saya. Saya suka untuk membiarkan ia menjadi satu teka teki.
Biarlah saya menamakan dia sebagai Dewi Lisani.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kehidupan yang singkat telah mentakdirkan pertemuan diantara saya dan Dewi Lisani sejak belasan tahun yang dahulu. Sememangnya takdir tidak meletakkan kami berdua ditempat yang sama, dengan orang-orang yang sama untuk merasa kegembiraan dan kepahitan yang sama.

Namun, asalnya manusia itu kan semuanya sama.Tanah.
Begitu juga harapan, impian dan cita-cita seorang manusia itu untuk sebuah kehidupan.
Punya banyak wang, harta, kuasa dan segalanya yang manis.
Kekasih hati yang menawan dan budiman.

Begitu juga kami, saya dan Dewi Lisani.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Titian ke alam kedewasaan lebih banyak memberikan kekesalan, kesedihan, rungutan, kegusaran daripada kejayaan, kemewahan dan kekuasaan.

Apa lagi yang tinggal buat kami melainkan harapan dan teman berkongsi cerita di talian.

Siapa lagi yang boleh memberikan pengertian dan pemahaman yang lebih baik mengenai kehidupan melainkan 2 teman lama bercerita 1 jam di talian.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * *
Harapan. Kekuatan. Tidak putus asa.

Lari dan lari lagi

Sebelum itu, Salam Hari Raya Aidiladha pada hari raya ke-3 ini. 

Alhamdulillah, saya sempat pergi solat raya kali ini menunaikan hajat yang tidak kesampaian pada hari raya aidilfitri yang lepas. Banyak lagi cerita sebenarnya balik kampung haritu. Ada rombongan merisik datang. Tapi, tentulah x kena mengena dengan saya. (Fikir logik lah, x kanlah pihak lelaki nak datang ke kampung di negeri sembilan sana, sedangkan saya sekeluarga menetap di Kuantan). 

Sempena Hari Raya Korban ni, mesti banyak cerita tentang lembu atau kambing terlepas daripada kandang. Di Sungai Isap, ada seekor berjaya melarikan diri ke kawasan belukar kecil yang sehingga kini masih x dapat ditemui. Selamatlah lembu itu daripada disembelih tapi x tentu selamat daripada ular sawa yang lapor. Huhu.

Tak tahulah apa nasib lembu tu kan. Ish2 kesian.

Lebih kesian lagi, al-kisahnya kalau seorang anak murid sentiasa melarikan diri daripada gurunya, tanggungjawabnya dan macam2 lagilah. Atas sebab paling x munasabah:- TAKUT.

Kalo lembu tadi, logiklah dia takut mati. Ini, x pastilah takut apa. Takut kena marah. Takut disoal lagi. Takut guru itu kecewa. The list goes on....

Takut dia tu mungkin mengalahkan takut terjumpa hantu dalam citer Supernatural agaknya. 

Dari sebab itu jugaklah, sesuatu yang boleh diselesaikan dalam sehari ditangguhkan jadi berminggu-minggu. Haih. Sebab, takut.

Perkara yang sebenarnya, tidaklah serumit yang difikirkan.

Cuma, disebabkan terlalu mengikutkan perasaan, 

semua perkara jadi carca merba. Haru biru. 

Bertenang dan yakin boleh. 

Insyaallah, selamat. 

Setitis saat, Selaut manfaat

"Kepanasan sebentar hari ini.
Hajat di hati hendak makan cendol atau ABC di cafe Medic. 
Tapi, sudahnya dapat makan aiskrim mangkuk je sebab cafe tu dah tutup warung cendol dan ABC.
Agaknya, sebab tak mendapat sambutan hangat."

Mulanya, ingat nak menulis untuk diri sendiri sendiri sahaja mengenai tajuk ini.

Rasa2nya, orang boleh agak apa yang ingin saya sampaikan disini.
Dipendekkan cerita, ianya tentang penggunaan masa secara beradab.
Hampir 2 minggu, hajat nak menulis mengenainya tertunda.

Atas sebab terlalu lalai dan alpa dengan masa diri sendiri, saya sengaja menangguhkan penulisannya.
Kenapa agaknya manusia suka lalai dan alpa? Memang itu pun fitrah kita.

Tipulah sekiranya saya tak menyedari betapa teruknya penggunaan masa dalam sehari-hari. Rasa sungguh menyesal yang kemudiannya akan dilupakan begitu sahaja.

Kesedaran itu memang ada. Kekuatan untuk berubah itu yang tidak cuba dicari dan dikukuhkan. Oleh dari sebab diri merasakan terlalu selesa dan biasa dengan situasi yang sia sia tersebut.

Saya tak pandai hendak menambah hadis dan ayat Al-Quran untuk memberi penjelasan yang lebih bernas dalam tajuk ini. Cukuplah sekadar, saya rujuk kepada Surah Al'Asr yang ringkas dan padat itu, "Setiap orang itu PASTI AKAN RUGI melainkan......."

Setitis saat itu, kiranya digunakan sesungguhnya, pastilah selaut manfaat terhasil darinya. Bukankah, hidup ini sangat singkat hakikatnya. Hal ini sungguh pelik.

shifting paradigm

Why the month is already October? Why? Why?

I really do not want 2013 to be ended

.

Time is indeed moving freaking fast.
We, the old batch postgraduate in KAHS received double number of new intake postgraduate from us
for this semester. That's means, more people are going to use lab after this.

Frankly, it is quite intimidating for me to see a lot of new students is coming.
Somehow, it reflects the time I had spent here. The more people are coming, the older batch you are
in PG department. No, it isn't awesome at all to be the most senior students in here!.

To make things even worst, these fresh postgraduate students are very excited to start their lab works.
They take less than couple of months doing readings and ordering chemicals, and ZASSSS...here they are in the lab. Starting lab works with 100% determination in their eyes shining without even blinking.

I observe them while holding my breath back. AMAZING!
Not to mention, looking them with green eyes. How I wish I was given the same opportunity to be in the lab as soon as I registered as PG students.

Unfortunately, I was not since I had to finish writing all sort of stuffs which actually not really relevant to me. But, let bygone be bygone.

Looking at the bright side, I am honestly feel energize by having these bunch of zestful new researchers in the lab. They are very eager to finish their Masters, so why not me feel double excitement to do my research works.

Thus, I am shifting my paradigma in my study by making them as a good example.
That's how positive aura people in your surrounding can shift you paradigma in your life.

Jendela Cahaya di Langit

Hampir seminggu, cuaca di Kuantan ini sejuk, basah dan mendung. Tidaklah pula menjadi masalah besar bagi saya dengan cuaca sedemikian. Bahkan, ada rasa senang yang terselit. 

Alhamdulillah, saya boleh berulang alik ke UIA meskipun bukan memandu kereta sendiri tetapi kereta pinjam. Langit sewaktu saya memandu sememangnya gelap dalam keadaan cuaca sebegini. 

Pada suatu hari, saya melihat satu jendela cahaya yang besar di langit dari kejauhan. Satu pemandangan yang mengasyikkan dan memukau. Kalaulah saya boleh meniti anak tangga ghaib untuk memasuki jendela cahaya tersebut, pastilah girang hati ini dapat meneroka dunia di sebelah sana. Biarpun hanya untuk beberapa saat.